


Damned If I Do

by nuclearjessels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Priest Castiel, Priest Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 04:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuclearjessels/pseuds/nuclearjessels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One evening after mass, a young and confused Dean seeks out the advice of Father Castiel Novak. With the two of them alone in the church, Castiel fights against temptation. Whether or not either of them can resist is an entirely different matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damned If I Do

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Supernatural. If I did, there would be a lot more priest outfits.

Every morning, Father Castiel Novak prayed. He prayed for strength. He prayed to the Lord to deliver him from temptation. He prayed to the Lord to cleanse his spirit of all the evils that festered there, in the peripheral, never quite gone. It started out innocent enough.

The church is dark, illuminated only by the last fading rays of sun filtering through stained glass and the flickering candles lining the walls and encircling the alter. The air is hazy with the smokey incense, a spicy sweet scent mingling with the musk of the teenager sitting far to close. They are in a wooden pew in the back of the church and Castiel’s fingers have molded to the soft wood in a vice grip. His feet are pressed firmly to the floorboards, attempting to root him in sacred ground. His spine is a stiff rod, bent slightly forward at the hips and continuing into a taut neck and locked jaw, lips parting only slightly to let slip furtive whispers. Castiel has fixed his eyes on the crucifix at the front of the church, every fibre straining, every prayer pleading to give him the strength to avoid the temptation to even flicker his eyes to the boy. To Dean.

“Father, I have sinned,” Dean whispers, his voice too husky, “I’m trying but I can’t stop. I just can’t get it out of my head.” Dean is all softness wrapped in gruffness, and Castiel can hear in the lilt of his voice the innocence and guilt of 19, magnified by the storm raging inside him. Castiel can’t tell if Dean is trying to seduce him or confess his sins, but either way, he is looking for absolution. Absolution Castiel simply can’t give him.

“I understand your...inclinations, Dean. Honestly. I...I struggled with similar thoughts when I was your age.” Castiel says. The worst part is as he says it he can hear a perverse spark of hope in Dean’s voice.

“You’re not that much older than me,” he retorts, “You’re what, 26, 27?” Castiel doesn’t, can’t, look at him when he says it.

“26.”

“And when did you start...?”

“I was younger than you, about 16 or so.”

“Me too.” Dean says, moving closer to Castiel. Castiel finally looks at him. It was not a wise choice.

The boy is heartbreakingly beautiful. His red, swollen lips, dark green eyes, and pale skin a disastrous cacophony of cliches that will be his undoing. He’ll have to leave the church. Dean’s parents would never forgive him. All of his life’s work, his remarkable talent for liturgy, his devotion to his Lord and savior, all brought crumbling down by one moment of poorly thought out lust.

It would be so easy. He could take him back into the sacristy right now, lock the door and have him up against the church bulletin board. Dean would beg for it, the boy’s body moving beneath his, sacramental robes crumbled on the floor in a pile with a pair of Levi’s and a too tight white t-shirt.

“I think about you sometimes.” Dean whispers, averting his eyes and leaving Castiel gasping for any semblance of breath.

“You what?” 

"I think about you, Cas. About what it would be like to feel you up against me, you under me.”

Castiel freezes to the pew. He can’t hear any more of this. It is the Lord’s sickest joke that their perversions would overlap in this very specific way. He lets out a short bark of a laugh at how ridiculous it is.

“You think this is funny?” Dean asks, his anger not even close to hiding the genuine hurt beneath those words.

“No.” Castiel responds, pulling himself together, “of course I don’t think it’s funny. I understand that this is a challenging time for you. But I am, first and foremost, your priest.”

Dean reaches for him, placing his hand on his thigh. Castiel stands, almost tripping over the kneeler in his haste to get away from this rock in the desert that he can’t ever, ever, turn to bread. After quickly scanning the church for any other parishioners that might have lingered and witnessed their exchange, he says,

“Dean, I do not think it’s appropriate for us to continue these conversations. If you would like to attend confession, I will be behind the screen after 8:00 mass on Sunday and Wednesdays at 3:00.”

The boy looks broken, even more lost than he did when he sought Castiel out after the evening mass. And Castiel understands.

“I am truly sorry that the Lord has set this path before you,” he says. He hesitantly moves his hand to trace the cross on the boy’s forehead.

Dean looks up at him slowly before standing to his full height, at least three inches taller than Castiel. He leans closer, Castiel’s brain shutting down at the sight of him just long enough that before he knows it he’s being kissed. He surrenders to it for a half of a second before yanking his body away.

“I’m sorry, Father” Dean whispers, grabbing his jacket and fleeing the church as quickly as he can. Castiel lets him go without a word, collapsing back into the pew to say as many Hail Mary's as he needs to to get the boy out of his head as penance for his sins. If he touches himself that night in his twin sized rectory bed, no one has to know but God himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I have this as a one-shot for now, but I could definitely be persuaded to keep going if people are interested. Reviews are much appreciated :)


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